5 Situations You Should Pull "The Lever"

"The Lever" (def): A mystical, invisible handle you can pull to get crushed by a safe. A device often used in popular culture, especially in cartoon shows featuring comical adversaries and their booby-traps.

The top five signals you should pull "The Lever" include:

1. You have just been in a three hour meeting you thought was concluding. Then some bright spark pops up with three items of "any other business", each of which will take another three hours. Because they are more senior than you, smile sweetly and resign yourself. While you're waiting for the cobwebs to form and your beard to grow, you pull "The Lever" because being crushed by a safe is more stimulating than the alternative of propping your eyes up with matchsticks.
2. The startup time of your laptop is longer than that needed to get through the items of "any other business". When you question this, you are told everything is within the SLA. You pull "The Lever" to get crushed by a safe because the alternative is to make so many cups of tea you'd cause the local water pressure to drop in the pipes.
3. While you're waiting for the laptop, but before you pull "The Lever", you are confronted by a sales-guy who has a proposition so good you'll be "dying to hear about it". You pull "The Lever" and get crushed by a safe because you'd rather die without hearing about it.
4. You discover one morning that "The Lever" has been decorated with gold gilt and now has a sign attached inviting you to pull it every time you've achieved one of your goals. Someone senior has determined that a public display is a great way to motivate, so you pull "The Lever" to get the public display of being crushed whilst putting yourself out of your misery at the same time.
5. The top reason to pull "The Lever", however, is you discover the person with the "any other business", and who thinks that slow start up times are OK, and who decorated "The Lever" are the same person. Even knowing this, you go and pull "The Lever" to be crushed by a safe because you know if you fail to do it this time, they will next dream up a Button-That-Dumps-You-In-The-Piranha-Pond and conceal it in the "on" button of your slow-to-start laptop.
   

Comments

[Shawn]

I was in a meeting like that the other day, how do I get one of those "levers"

[David]

Coming at this from another angle.. Why not create a "Darwin Lever", a lever that drops the safe onto the oxygen thief causing the hindrance? ;-)